Are We Men?

Are we Men? The answer depends on its own questions:

1.
Q: Do we have feelings?
A: No

2.
Q: Do we have thoughts?
A: We win. We do not think...so, no.

3.
Q: Do we merely win?
A: We slaughter...so, no.

4.
Q: Do we win if the other team is not bleeding?
A: We T.R.I.B.E.smen take victory very seriously. We do not believe in the measly commonly held definition, which only requires scoring more points. For us, victory is determined by the number of points divided by the number of bloody limbs/achilles tendons we carry home with us from the game. The lower the better. Think golf. Think limbo. Think the other team suddenly without legs riding under tables on skateboards because they are now much shorter...so, no.

5.
Q: Are we feral?
A: We flame.

6.
Q: Is Juan H. God?
A: Juan H. is the father of God. He birthed him. Like a seahorse...so, no.

7.
Q: Do you believe in beauty?
A: We believe in ourselves...so, yes.

Are we Men? We create men. We are the T.R.I.B.E. towards which all men strive.

This week, the T.R.I.B.E. is having a contest. Whoever can sculpt the most convincing likeness of Mark Werner out of a rice krispy treat will get to watch us eat the rice krispy treat. Slowly.

Until next time,
The Postmaster General